The Last Day (In The Eyes Of "Auntie" Cindy)

This was written by Cindy for Spencer's Service on April 15, 2006. Thank you Cindy for letting me share this with the world.

In the late morning hours of April 11th, I picked Spencer up from his bed and gave him to his mommy one last time, and while she sat rocking him, knowing she only had a few more minutes with him in this world, Jasmine looked at me and said "Do you want to hold him? I think Spencer would like that." Knowing that she only had a few minutes left with her precious boy - she offered to share him with me - what a beautiful gift - Thank You Jasmine. I held him close in my arms, and I hugged him close - and I thought of the last 4 months - when every shift I worked - I took care of Spencer. I remembered the shifts when Spencer was having a rough day, and in the evening when I gave him to his mommy, his little body would relax and in spite of all he'd been through - he would smile - big huge smiles that would light up his face. No matter how hard we tried though - we could never catch those smiles on camera - It was as if he was teasing us - the camera would come out, and he would quit smiling, and as soon as I sat the camera down and would turn my back and get busy doing something else, Jasmine would say "Cindy, he's smiling again." And then there were many times, at the end of a rough evening as I was changing his diaper, when I was not paying attention he would pee on me...I think he did it to make his mommy laugh - because as hard as those evenings were on Spencer - they were just as hard on Jasmine. She was always there at his side - never leaving him alone on the rough nights - and I think he just wanted to make mommy smile - so Spencer, it was ok that you caught me off guard so many times, it was worth it. My most favorite memory of Spencer though, was after he moved over to ICC…the first time I went over to visit him – he was sitting up on a Boppy pillow on the floor, and I came in the room from behind him and I said “Hi Spencer – here I am coming to see you,” and he turned his head around, as far as he could to find me – It meant so much to me that this little boy knew my voice, and I hope he knew just how much he was loved. As I held him that last time – I kissed him and thanked him for shining his bright light in my little corner of the world for the past 4 months – all too short months. Then, I gave him back to Jasmine and a few minutes later she said “I think it’s time now.” And we took away the tubes, and IV’s, and wires that held his little body bound to this world, and Jasmine gave her precious son the gift that only she could give – she told him it was ok to go, and she let his beautiful little spirit soar free from the confines of his earthly body. She came to realize and understand that his physical body was only the shell that held his spirit.

Immediately as Spencer passed from this world – the words of a song began playing in my head and I thought in the midst of the greatest pain and sorrow Jasmine could ever know – Spencer was experiencing a beauty and a glory that none of us could even begin to imagine…I want to share the words of that song…I’m sure many of you have heard it.

Well, for any of you who knew Spencer – I hardly doubt that when he got to heaven – He could stand still – When I think of Spencer in heaven – I see a little boy with a head of soft fuzzy blonde hair running through fields of soft green grass – chasing butterflies, and puppy dogs, and smiling from ear to ear, clapping his hands at the sheer joy of being alive in heaven and standing face to face with Jesus.

Yesterday was my first day back at work since Tuesday, and it was very hard walking into the hospital knowing Spencer wasn’t there. Throughout the day, I would find myself humming that Children’s Tune – “This Little Light of Mine” – without even realizing it at first. Later in the day, I went for a walk outside to ANW hospital to get lunch, and it had rained earlier in the day, and as I was walking down the pathway to the hospital – the ground was drying, but right in the pathway was one spot that hadn’t dried yet – in the shape of a perfect heart – and I realized that once again I was humming “This Little Light Of Mine.” And then I felt Spencer saying to me – “Don’t you realize it’s me – that song is coming straight from my heart into yours – what do I have to do Cindy, pee on you to make you know it’s me?”

So, when you’re going about your day, and suddenly you realize that you are humming or singing “This Little Light Of Mine” – say “Hi” to Spencer – thank him for stopping by or else you might just feel a drop or two of something fall on you from the sky. Thank you for letting me share with you about Spencer today – and Spencer – Thank you for inviting me along to be part of the ride – I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!!